Fear is temporary; regret is forever

This past week we have been traveling across the country to Cape Town. With many hours of driving, lots of fast food, nights in hotels, and no internet, we have managed to find some fun along the way. Our first big adventure was probably one of the coolest things ever in my life. I jumped off the world’s highest bungee bridge! The hardest part for me was walking under the bridge on a medal caged in bridge to the point that we were going to jump. I couldn’t stand to look down 216 meters to see where I will be falling. Once I got to the jumping platform all my fears seemed to disappear. They had loud music and all of us were dancing and cheering while each other jumped. The moment I jumped I experienced a feeling that I have never felt before... I truly felt completely free and like I was flying. Even as the bungee bounced it was completely peaceful. I couldn’t help but to praise Jesus the whole time. I looked out into the beautiful scenery with a river and mountains, and off in the distance I could see the coastline and ocean, it was magical. While hanging I couldn’t hear a thing except my own voice praising God for His beauty and creation. At one point it crossed my mind, maybe this is what dying feels like. There were moments when my stomach would turn with fear of what was going to happen next, but then there was the magnificent moments of feeling completely free and at peace in middle of the most beautifully scenery and not being to bring anything to my lips but words of praise. It was truly amazing!

Later on in the week we went through an adventure cave, which is always fun. We also went to an ostrich farm where I got to ride an ostrich, it was nothing compared to Rythym! Being in Cape Town is extremely different to where I have spent the last 2 ½ months, I feel like I am back in civilization. It is a strange feeling to be in a place that seems so familiar because of the westernized culture, but to miss a place and culture that is so different from my own. It is almost like I feel like a stranger in the places that I know best. I have a feeling that these emotions of reverse culture shock will only become more real as I begin to process my re-entry into the United States and being back home.

Internet is limited and will continue to be limited, but I will try to make short updates whenever I can. I will be home in three weeks and I am quite excited! As home is coming closer and closer, it is becoming more and more difficult to not think about home and all of the things that I miss. I can’t wait to hear about Mom’s adventures in South Africa and to hug Chad! I will hopeful talk to you all soon! Love you!

P.S. Kelsey: There is nothing that makes me more excited than Starbucks, peanut butter balls, and you! You are amazing!!!

The best of times and the worst of times...

It’s funny how the worst of times can also be the best of times. I realize that I have not blogged for over a month and that is probably because of this. I don’t even know where to begin; this past month I finished up with nursing things, had finals, and now I am preparing to say good-bye. Chad was here for about 10 days and then two hours after he left Mom arrived. In all honestly I don’t know what I would have done without them here. As much as I love being here and traveling, this past month has been very emotionally difficult and I am extremely ready to be with Chad where ever that is in the world. Chad and I got to do so many fun things; it simply seemed so natural to have him here. The first day after he arrived we went with 6 other people for a daylong hike through the Drakensburg Mountains, slept in a cave, and then climbed down the next day. It was so wonderful! I know Mom really enjoyed herself here as well, not to mention she definitely had some pretty major run ins with the monkeys, but I think that was just to prepare her for her time on the game reserve.

Last Monday we left for a five-day excursion. Of the big group we split into two groups. My group went to a small rural village in ZuluLand first and the other group went on Safari and then after 3 days we switched sites. I must say that the ZuluLand village experience was the most amazing thing I have ever done. The scenery was unbelievable, we slept in mud huts made out of cow dung, and we got to be at a traditional Zulu bridal shower, which was incredible. I wish I could put into words how amazing this experience was but I don’t think any words can do it justice. As I said in the beginning of this blog, the worst of time can also be the best of times, the worst of times truly set in the night before we left. It started with this incredible rain and lightening storm, which in all honestly we had very much fun in. However, the rain was so heavy to came through the straw roofs and we has huge puddles on the ground that created thick mud in the huts. Around midnight one girl began to get violently sick with vomiting and diarrhea. By the time I saw here she was at a point of going in and out of consciousness, her pupils weren’t dilating, and she had a thready pulse. At that point we knew we needed to get her to the hospital, the closes hospital was over an hour away. Due to the rain the dirt roads were completely mud causing the van to slide all over the road and we were up in the mountains so the hills that the van needed to get down were extremely dangerous with cliffs on the side. One of the nurses and a driver took this sick girl to the hospital. Within 30 minutes of them leaving two boy got sick, it didn’t take them more than an hour to also be passing out and incoherent. The amount of fluids the boys were loosing was dangerous. One other nurse went with a driver as well and took them to the hospital, however on the car ride down the mountain they lost control of the car in the mud and it began tipping on it’s sides, it is by the grace of God that they didn’t roll. An hour after they had left, about 2:30am, two more girls got sick again to the point that they needed to get to the hospital, however we needed to wait another hour to have the car come back to get them. We made the decision that I, being the last nurse left, needed to stay at the village site because we knew more people were going to be getting sick. I stayed up all night taking care of extremely sick people. I would have to say that this was one of the scariest nights of my life. The next day we left the village for Safari and by that point already 11 people were sick, 5 had been in the hospital. The four-hour car ride consisted of diarrhea and vomiting on the seats of the van.

Although more and more people got sick, we still had an amazing time on Safari and saw some of them most spectacular animals ever. I saw cheetah, rhino, hippos, wildebeests, and buffalos. By the time we had left Safari 20 people had been sick, that left a remaining 7 people still well from our group. Praise Jesus I was one of the healthy ones! Last night was our first night back at AE, around 2:30am I again had been woken up because someone was sick. By the time it took me to get out of bed and to their chalet to see them, she had become so weak she could not hold her head up, she was loosing fluids drastically and started passing out. I went to get a leader to once again take another student to the hospital. The ER was amazing and we were out of there within 3 hours. By the time morning had rolled around, we are now at a total count of 27/52 people being sick (Praise Jesus I am still well). We are not exactly sure of the organism that has caused this illness but we know that it must be a mixture between the lack of sanitation in the Zulu village after going to the bathroom, unclean water being used to wash dishes and prepare foods, and bad water that some had drank.

I have spent the day packing all of my things up at AE. We are leaving early tomorrow for Cape Town. It will take us 4 days to get there as we are going to be making lots of stops along the way. On Tuesday we go bungee jumping off of the tallest bungee jump drop in the world. I get butterflies in my stomach every time I think about it! I will not have internet for the next week and then when we get to Cape Town our internet will be extremely unpredictable and slow. In Cape Town we will be taking a history of South Africa course, going on plenty of excursions, doing home stays for half of the time and then staying at another college campus. I am going to keep it a top priority to update my blog, but like I said the internet is a little sketchy so I see what I can do. Please pray that this sickness will stop and I will remain healthy, also pray that we will have safe travels for the next week. I love you all and miss you! God is so good to me!

Jones Family: Thank you so much for the birthday card. You have no idea how excited I was so see a little note on the card from each of you. I love you and I am excited to see you all.

Cynthia: The package you sent me was the only piece of mail I received my whole time of being here and when I got it I literally started crying. It feels so good to know that you were thinking of me, I cant thank you enough. Each week I would hope for mail, and then finally I got some and I couldn’t have been happier to see it was from you and your family. I love you!

Katherine and Ben: Thank you for the great gift you sent with mom! I honestly wore the tank top three days straight and didn’t want to take it off. Right now it is in the laundry but I am extremely excited to put it on when it comes back to me. Thank you both so much! I love you both so so so so much!

Molls Balls: I got the card you sent with Chad for me. Thank you my friend. You are amazing and I can’t wait to see you. I hope I get to see you face in the first 24 hours that I am home! Maybe we can make muddy buddies!!!!

Mom and Chad: I know I already got to thank you both for the birthday gifts that you brought me as well, but once again I want to thank each of you. It was a large enough gift to have you each here; I don’t know what I would have done without you. Thank you! I love you Mom and I can’t wait to hear about your SA experiences. Chad I love you more than you will ever know and my heart skips when I think about seeing you!

Keeping My Head Up

I apologies for my delay in updating my blog, I am going to attempt to keep this short. We have had busy weekends these past two weeks. One of the days we went zip lining, which was a blast. We went over the canopy of the forest and had eight different zip lines that we had to cross on throughout the forest. This past weekend we went all around the eastern parts of South Africa, visiting the various battlefields where wars were fought throughout the history of South Africa. It was quite interesting to stand in a place where thousands and thousands of men died while fighting for their freedom, lives, and land. The scenery was unbelievable with wide-open fields, mountains, and hills that seemed to go on forever; my breath was taken away.

I have been to two different clinical sites these past weeks. One of the sites is a clinic that is literally out in middle of nowhere surrounded by huts and farmland. This clinic is sponsored by the United States and works only with the AIDS/HIV population. Groundbreaking studies are being done at this clinic that will affect the management of HIV/AIDS worldwide. In the area where this clinic is placed, the HIV rate is over 60% of the population. The other site that I was at, was in a township area that is less rural but still very impoverished. At this site, there is a small clinic that has a four-bed hospice room for people dying of AIDS. I sat with a 20 year old girl who has two children and was laying on the floor attempting to escape the excruciating heat while her body seemed to shrivel away and be destroyed by AIDS. I look at myself and I look at her, and I see how young I am, but how old she is. She has experienced more things in her life and dealt with more pain and suffering than I will ever know, yet we are about the same age. Also at this site I went out with a nurse and social worker to patients’ homes who have HIV/AIDS. The homes were no more than a mud hut or a tin square where a family of eight may live. The patients we visited were very, very sick, some lying on their deathbeds. We brought them food, monitored their medication management, and prayed with them. It is in these homes that I learn the true meaning of hospitality. We were so welcomed, and even if there was nowhere for us to sit, the families would assure our comfort in one way or another. There was one woman’s home that we visited and the moment we went in she started reading from her Bible to us and teaching us about the scripture, which she had prepared for us beforehand. Sometimes when we think we are going to bless someone, that same person turns around and blesses us.

After home visits, I went to the Family Center where over 60 kids from ages 1-18, who are orphaned or are at high risk related to HIV/AIDS, are able to hang out and receive three meals a day. Some of the older children would leave their kids at the center while they went to school. I think one of my favorite things is spending time with these kids. They are hungry for love and affection, and that is all that I have to give. I wish I could turn their lives around, heal them from HIV, give them a shelter and home, but I cant, all I can do is love. But the love that I have is not of this world; the love that I have is a love that is transcends through me from Christ and is implanted onto these special children.

I don’t like what I have seen here, but I have learned how tight I have to cling to God to keep on going and keep on finding hope in very dark places. It is interesting how South Africa is considered a developed country, which in many places it is, but some areas that I have been are so poverty stricken and so infected with HIV/AIDS that I cant fathom how anyone can consider this place as developed or first world nation. However, when I am back at AE and talking to the white South African people that surround me, none of them have been to these places. The majority of South Africa is a forgotten and unrecognized population that seems to be over shadowed by the upper class white population. There is so much brokenness in this country, so much infection of HIV/AIDS, so many limitations, but it is very easy as a white foreigner to be blinded and ignorant to this pain. I see and recognize that this country has taken greater strides in the past 16 years than the United States has taken in 50, but the affects of the apartheid and inequalities still linger so evidently. Don’t get me wrong, there is so much to be said for the simplicity and joy of life that is in the rural townships and we have much to learn from them; however, through the eyes of a healthcare provider I am deeply disturbed. As we test children and babies for HIV, we are haunted with the knowledge that a disease that they have no control over, no choice, and no power to protect themselves against, can drastically impact and destroy their lives.

I have found myself so comfortable and at peace here. I get time to have fun with the other students, which rejuvenates me for my clinical days. I pray for rest by night and renewal by day. The days go by too fast; I want to slow time down and cultivate each moment that comes. Chad comes in about 7 days; I get butterflies every time I think about it! I hope and pray that he will be able to experience in 10 days what I have in 47 days so far. I want to share with him the joy that I have and the ways that God moves daily.

With Chad coming and them Mom coming right after him, I will be pretty overwhelmed this week with schoolwork. I have major papers that I have to write and presentations that I have to prepare for, but I know it will be worth it when I get to spend time with Chad and Mom and not have to worry too much about homework! I am so excited for Mom to come! Please keep your messages of encouragement coming. I send my love to you all! Be Blessed!

Jabulani (JOY)

It is not necessarily easy for me to recap my week in a simple blog, but I do the best I can, especially with the internet constantly cutting in and out. I will start once again by describing my clinical experiences for the week. Rather than going to the clinic on Thursday, the six of us went to a middle school to teach on different health related topics. In groups of two we spoke about nutrition, dental care, and Lyndsey and I taught about the female reproductive system to the girls (I guess I really am my mother’s daughter). The school system is not like what is in the States, so the ages of the girls were between 13-16 years old in the class, and most of them have a limited amount of education up until this point. Due to the age range, we could assume that most of the girls had already started menstruation, but what was so interesting was how limited their knowledge was about their own body and its functioning. Many of the girls had no idea why they had their period or if it was even normal to have one monthly period for 4 days straight. The most difficult part was speaking to the girls about the use of tampons. Many of them are subjected by their parents, and possible future husbands, to virginity tests, which are tests that check to see if the hymen is intact. The girls were wondering if the use of tampons would take away their virginity. From my American worldview it was hard for me to understand the virginity tests, as well as the fact that the use of a tampon could jeopardize the females’ viewed virginity status. It was hard leaving these girls because they had an endless amount of questions and we could have spent literally hours discussing their bodies with them.

On Tuesday, I had my most challenging day of clinical yet, as well as the most exciting. At the Eastboom clinic I found my way into the casualty unit where a younger doctor took me in under his wing and allowed me to work directly with him. Our first patient was a younger woman who earlier that morning was stabbed in her arm and wrist with a broken beer bottle by her boyfriend. I sat with her on the exam table holding her hands and speaking words of encouragement to her while the doctor stitched her wounds layers by layers. The wounds went straight down to her bone and were over 4 inches long. I looked into this woman’s eyes and I could see the pain and terror that was inside of her; she kept telling me that she was going to die. When she left I asked her where she would go and she said she was going back home where her boyfriend currently was taking care of her two children. It seems like an endless trap that some of these women live in. Immediately after this patient, another lady came in with a wound on her head caused by assault from her boyfriend as well. Additionally, we dressed the wounds of an elderly lady who had a 4x4 inch ulcer on her leg. A woman came in with a beautiful, healthy, 8-day-old baby, however when the mother pulled up her shirt she revealed her opened c-section incision. Apparently the doctor she went to took out the stitches prematurely and left her wound gapingly open and exposed. I walked into one room and a man sat in a corner having a completely normal conversation and laughing with another person, but when I looked at his leg I saw a baseball size/deep wound cut into his leg with adipose tissue and skin flaps hanging over the leg. Everyone acted like this was a normal occurrence. Once again people filled the waiting areas, patients waited hours and hours to be seen by a doctor or nurse. The things that I saw would never come into clinics in the US, but rather the patients would be seen in a trauma unit at a hospital; I think that’s what blew me away the most, no one seemed surprised by any of the wounds or assault.

On Saturday we got to hike through the Drakensburg Mountains/Hills to historical paintings done in caves by the San Bushmen tribe. The paintings were quite faded, however they also depicted much of the tribal culture and history. I don’t know if I have ever been in middle of such beautiful scenery. The vast green hills seemed to continue on forever and they lay so perfectly against the vivid blue sky’s. It seemed like each color was displayed on a vibrant high. I will never forget these images.

This week feels like it is has been the “revenge of wild animals.” I went walking through the game reserve next to campus with three other girls and we came upon the Zebras. The Zebras have always been quite peaceful and have never seemed to be bothered by people walking by, however it was dusk and I don’t know what got into these wild beasts, but in all honestly, they started running at us. We turned and ran; I could hear all six of them behind us sounding like a stampede, they were chasing us. To get away from them we dove into some bushes and turned onto another trail. The herd of Zebras has a brand new baby with them, so we assume that they must have been protecting their young from us until it is able to defend itself. The next day I was on a walk with another girl and two of the male monkeys literally started chasing us up the path back to campus. The boys got a little trigger happy with the paintball gun so we don’t have anymore paintballs and we might not be getting any more for a while, so to keep the monkeys away we now have pepper spray.

Although I am filled with joy and excitement each day I am here, this past week has been quite heavy. The girls that are in my D-Group have been carrying a lot on their hearts and as they become more vulnerable they are beginning each of their own healing processes. It has taken much prayer for me not to take on their burdens as my own, but I remember that through the death of Christ, I am able to lay each one of these beautiful women at the feet of the cross and know that Jesus has died for burdens such as these. God has been quite powerful here, I don’t think a moment goes by that I am not reminded by his goodness and the continued steadfast love he has for his me and His children.

I have been here for 31 days now and there is still a part of me that is waiting for a deep dread and homesickness to set in. I almost feel like I have adjusted abnormally well, but now I am frightened that this month will stir some of these dreaded emotions. Lets pray that I continue to flourish where I am right now! I am counting down the days until I get to see Mom and Chad when they come visit! I can’t wait! Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you even more for your prayers, thoughts, emails, and messages… it is honestly a source of such strength. I love you all!

(Chad: You are my beloved and I am yours; our love will only grow founder as we spend this time following God’s will for our lives.)

Discovering Agapé

I would say that the main focus for me this week has been understanding love. In my life now I am being challenged to understand what love looks like for me as a women of God, a friend, a wife, and a nurse.

Beginning on Tuesday I was at a clinic/hospital called Eastboom in Pietermitzburg. My experience at Eastboom will forever be engraved into my heart. It is not easy to walk into Eastboom and not be overwhelmed with the many bodies, smells, sounds, and sights that enter into all of my senses. There must be over 100 people in a small room waiting to be seen, children laying on the floor with hardly enough room to make a walk way without stepping over a child. I must remember that I am only a student nurse and it will not be by my own power or strength that I can fix every person at the clinic; it is important that I accept this in order to not take away from the patients that I am able to see and help. I spend most of my days in the pediatric unit. The main caseloads of patients that I see are children with pneumonia.

I started out one day in the family planning section giving Depo shots to many women as a form of contraceptive. Once I got somewhat tired of giving injections I went outside. Outside, I saw this small girl standing with her mother; I could see from a distance that the child was breathing fast, was weak, and her eyes were rolling back in her head. I approached her and her mother and counted her respirations, they were 72 breaths per minutes and her pulse was 150bpm. The right lung sounds were absent. I asked her mother how old she was and if she had any prior conditions. The mother informed me this small child was 5 years old and has HIV. I knew in my head and in my heart that this child was literally dying and each of her breaths was using the entirety of her energy. Patients usually have to wait at least 3 hours to be seen by a nurse, but in all honesty I didn’t know if this child had 3 hours to live. I brought her into the pediatric unit and took her to the front of the line to see a nurse. We immediately got her on oxygen and called an ambulance to come pick her and her mother up. It took the ambulance two and a half hours to come and get her. This child only weighed 11kg (22lbs) at 5 years old! It was an extremely hot day, the room she was in had no windows and no air flow so I stayed with her for 2 hours simply using a newspaper to fan the child in hopes of giving her some sort of comfort. She couldn’t even lay down because it was too difficult for her to breath. I believe she must have TB or sever pneumonia with her HIV. With the condition of TB or pneumonia in combination with HIV, this little girl is at stage four AIDS and is dying right before my eyes

The next patient that I found was a small boy with his grandmother. He looked no more than 3 mo old, however his road to health card stated he was 1 year and 1 month. He only weighed 4.4kg, which is 9.68lbs (that is less than one pound more than I weighted when I was born!). This child was also using all of his energy to breath with sever chest retractions. His mother passed away from suicide on January 01, 2010 and now the grandmother is caring for him and his three others siblings. She says that the child has TB and HIV, which again puts him at stage four AIDS. He was severely malnourished, however the grandmother stated that she has no money to buy the child food. She also states that every time she feeds him he throws up. I started to pour water and then formula into his mouth every few minutes while burping him in between. He got a total of 1ml water and 1ml formula over 1.5 hours and didn’t vomit. I see that it takes much time and effort to feed this child and making sure that he is getting burped properly, and I just don’t know that the grandmother has the time or the energy to do this for him. She started to cry because of how overwhelmed she is and how little money she has to care for the children.

It is easy to be at Eastboom and get extremely overwhelmed by the vast amount of people and the extremely limited conditions, but I found hope in being able to be with these two children that day. The time that I was able to spend with them was not the time that the nurses had available, for they are much overworked. It is at a clinic like this where there are over 1,000 patients coming through each day that it is easy to get consumed and frustrated with the quantity of care that is needed, but I find my hope and my joy through the small amount of quality of care that I am able to give to these families. It is not by my own love that I am able to love on these innocent children, but rather it is the love of the Holy Spirit pouring out through me onto His children. It is like my heart is overflowing with a deep deep love that I never knew I could feel. The last time I felt this supernatural love was when I was in Ghana at the orphanages; I know this is not my love, but Christ living through me.

Once this exhausting week was over we got to spend Saturday at the beach in Durban, what a treat that was! It has been ridiculously hot here so it is nice to get into the ocean to cool down. When we are at the beach we are only able to swim in a small confined area where there are shark nets. Apparently the sharks are quite active and hungry.

Yesterday was Valentines Day. I have never been a big Valentine’s Day celebrator, but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t constantly reminded that the love of my life was half way across the world form me on this day that we are to celebrate love. I felt a heaviness in my heart and a longing to be with him. I trust however, that God has me here to grow as a wife to better love my husband, thus I rejoice in knowing that when we get to be together again we will have an even better understanding of what our love represents. God has answered our prayers and Chad has been able to book a flight to come out here to visit from March 16-26^th! Right after that Mom gets to come! I can’t wait! As a group we all got dressed up and had a nice Valentines dinner with candles, music, and roses. Although I didn’t get to celebrate the day of love with Chad, I felt blessed to be surrounded by many people I am growing to love deeply.

I am falling in love with this country more each day that I am here, but I am also being struck in the face with the injustices and inequalities that surround the people of this beautiful nation. Thank you for allowing me to share this all with you and I hope to hear from you soon. Be blessed and filled with His love.

Living in Love

It’s only been a week since I have last updated, however so much has happened and I hardly know where to begin. I guess I should start with the fun stuff first; last week we went to a wild lion park. These lions are completely wild however there is one fence that contains them to a very large area. Our purpose of going there was to drive through the park to see the lions, but things got a little messed up when we got there. Last time our leaders were there the lions trampled their car and they strongly did not want to go in because of the damage the lions did to their cars. We ended up just walking up to the fence and suddenly the lions all started coming up to the fence and rubbing themselves across it and sometimes growling. As the lions walked by we were even able to touch them as long as they didn’t see our fingers; which was quite thrilling.

On the same day of visiting the lions, we also visited a Birds of Prey reserve where we saw many large birds including owls, vultures, and eagles. Following the bird experience we took a tour of the town we are living in (PMB) and stopped at the train station where Gandhi was thrown off of the train for sitting in a Whites only section. It was this experience that marked the beginning of his great movement of peaceful resistance against social injustice and oppression.

This week I spent my clinical days at the Masons Clinic and each day that I was there I fell more in love with the people. Mainly the patients were HIV positive, but they came to the clinic for various reasons like TB, prenatal care, and medication management. My favorite day was assessing the pregnant women and their fetus. It was so interesting how the clinic functions with very little supplies and no ultrasound machine. I had to determine how far along the women were with their pregnancy. One girl came in who thought she was 22 weeks pregnant, however after I assessed her fundus I could determine that she was 39 weeks and the baby had already engaged itself for delivery, in other words she was ready to go into labor. The women were all quite young, about 16-21 years old and for many of them this wasn’t their first child. Another interesting thing at the clinic is spending time with the children; many of them have worms and different sorts of skin conditions like scabies, ringworm, and staph. When I am with the children and they are crawling all over me I simply have to put my trust into Christ knowing that He will protect me from illnesses while I am delivering His love to these innocent children. When people come to the clinic it is an all day event for them. They arrive at seven and over 100 patients will be there and it is on a first-come-first-serve basis and they will have to wait all day to be seen. I also got to do my first blood draw, which was very fun for me, but again it is so interesting how different the care is in the States compared to here, especially with cleanliness.

On Friday the first South African man to summit Everest came and visited us. He has summit the highest mountains on each continent. It was so interesting to meet him and chat with him. I bought his book to give to Mom and the DVD of him summiting each peak for Chad, but I am excited to get to look and watch them too.

This past weekend we went to and stayed in Pennington, which is primarily an Indian population. A drive that should have only taken us two hours somehow took us five hours because of cars breaking down, people getting lost, and other things that seem to only happen in Africa. Traveling with 53 people is not easy. Where we stayed was on the Indian Ocean and we got to spend some time on the beach. This morning I watched the sun rise over the ocean; it was breath taking! The Indian population is very different than the Black population, but it was wonderful to spend time with them. It was interesting because throughout the whole time I have been here the moment that I felt most comfortable was walking in the busy streets with venders lining both sides of the road, all sorts of different people, trash everywhere, and smells like I had never smelt. We streets were solid with people, but I felt so comfortable in community and found so many fun things to do and watch. Throughout the time I have been here I have felt somewhat isolated from the rest of South Africa. I spend my two days a week at the clinic and then I come back to a beautiful campus in a primarily White upper-class neighborhood and get served three full meals a day; that has been very hard for me to deal with. I love being submerged into the culture here and I feel like I am sometimes being held back and protected from the full experience, which is so frustrating for me. (Side note: I have been taking a Zulu speaking class and I am loving it!)

God has been doing wonderful things in me. Being the oldest student here has brought me into a place of mentorship and leadership within our group. I am a discipleship leader to 7 amazing girls, who bring me so much joy. Everyday I seem to experience Christ in a new way and I just try to press in deeper to know and experience Him in a new way at each moment. There have been some deep moments of loneliness, but in those moments all of a sudden I find myself surrounded in Hid grace and overcome with joy. I have already developed some amazing friendships that provide me with so much strength. I am continually reminded by how blessed I am to be in a place in life where God has complete and divine control over my life. There is so much to share with all of you but I am limited on time and extremely tired from watching the sunrise and traveling today. Thank you again for all of your encouragement and prayers, I love you dearly.