I do not pray to be understood, but rather that I will understand. Today was my first day of clinical. I was at the Masons Clinic, which is divided into four sections: chronic care, acute care, TB, and HIV/AIDs. While seeing the HIV/AIDs patients I was continually unable to wrap my head around the truth behind this pandemic. I have sorrow, I have joy, and I have anger. I have sorrow when time after time I see these lives being taken over by a disease, and mothers who must carry on with their lives providing for a full house of children. I have joy when I see the miracle of children being born to HIV positive mother's, but yet they themselves don't have the virus. And, I have anger. I have so much anger. I sat face to face with a man who my heart was drawn to with compassion, but my head was full of rage with; this man said that he refuses to use condoms even though he has now infected his girlfriend and other women. I pray that I will develop an understanding for this culture and the way that they act and react to HIV/AIDs. I have a feeling that the way that we view AIDs in the States and the culture that typically runs with it, is possibly quite different here. In many ways my hands almost feel tied; I am so small compared to this pandemic and I wonder if there is anything that I can really do. It is in moments like these however, that I am reminded that I am not here for me, I do not act to make myself be glorified, no, it is God who is bigger than this pandemic, and it is for his Kingdom that I am here.
Yesterday I began to feel quite homesick and alone here and couldn't think about Chad without getting tears in my eyes. It wasn't until I went outside and played soccer with some other people that my started to feel better. Four of us went out into the game reserve for a little walk and we saw Zebra's; four of them, it was incredible! There were three adults and then a small baby... what a wonderful way to cure being a little homesick, God is good!
Lauren, I pray for a peace in your heart that transcends understanding. A peace that keeps you grounded in God's love and God's provision. A peace that gives you strength, joy, and a stillness that allows each moment to soak in and create an impression on your heart forever. I pray for you to be so filled with the Holy Spirit every interaction you have with anyone comes from the overflow of His perfect peace, His perfect love. You will be forever changed by this experience and you will be blessed by your willingness. I love you Lauren. I love your strength, I love your courage. I pray for you to find a freedom you didn't know existed. I pray all of this in Jesus name, AMEN!
ReplyDeleteLauren, little sissy... it sounds like this experience will be amazing for you, and you will be able to learn so much. I know you must be homesick, but you will settle in soon I know it! And zebras right next door- how cool!
ReplyDeleteKeep updating, I am excited to read about your journey.
Love you doll!
Kiira
What a sweet little blessing that zebras are! :) I cannot wait to hear more about your time working with those affected by HIV/AIDS. And, I love how open your heart is--God will do great things with that, no doubt. Keep the blogging up, I'm already loving following this adventure of yours!
ReplyDeleteLove you lp,
Jenna
Wow Lauren! I can't believe you're in Peitermaritzburg! Two years ago David and I lived 45 minutes down the street near Escort for 4 1/2 months! Your blog looks amazing and it reminds me of my time there and my heart longs for those people wth yours. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAll I know about Peitermaritzburg is that they have a lion park where you just drive into a pen and they surround you. Scariest moment of my life, but worth checking out!
Is there a church on campus or will you be looking for a church community to be a part of while your there? I may be able to reccomend something. We have really good friends who lived there for quite a while so I could ask.
Parying for your heart and mind to be transformed into Christ's likeness,
Heidi Winters
winheidi@gmail.com
Dear Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI just read your blog, what an incredible experience. So look forward to joining you, I just want to squeeze you! It makes me feel sad to know you are homesick for Chad, that is a learning experience in and of itself. I know you will overcome all obstacles, your faith and strong heart are enviable armour. I will write a longer letter later and update you on my progress .
Much Love,
Mom
Lauren-
ReplyDeleteYour blog is such a wonderful thing to read! I am so awe-inspired by your courage and dedication! My thoughts and best wishes are with you!
-Courtney Clinton